A Lonely Girl...

Sometimes people just don't understand...

     "She says she doesn't care, but her eyes tell a different story."


Behind her smile is a hurting heart. Behind her laugh, shes falling apart. Look closely at her and you will see, the girl she is...isn't her. To tell you the truth, she just been avoiding everything. Don't say you know her, when she don't even know herself. She think shes afraid of being happy because every time shes happy, something bad always happens. Just once she want someone to look at her right away and think she was beautiful. Not after they get to know her, or after they see inside her soul. She wants to walk in a room and light up, not blend. She knows God wouldn't give her anything she can't handle, she just wish she didn't trust so much. When she do something great, no one ever seems to remember, but when she do something wrong, no one can ever seem to forget. 

There is only one rain cloud in the sky...and it's raining on her. Somehow shes is not surprised. She wake up and think dreams are real. Behind her smile is everything you'll never understand. No matter what, no matter who, no matter what she do, somebody hates her. 

She didn't want to admit it. It was easier to lie. Hide the hurt and emptiness to smile instead of cry. Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault. Why can't you just love her for who she is? Have you ever felt so alone and nothing makes sense? Well that's how she feel right now...she feel like shes facing everything herself, with nothing but tears and a fake smile... 

She don't know if shes getting better or just used to the pain. She wish she could just be a little kid again. So when life gets tough she can just play pretend. And every time she were sad or she had a bad day. She could just run to mommy and it would all be okay. She wanna go back to no hurt...and no pain...just laughter. When everyone always lives happily ever after. 

When she cry at night, the only thing she can think to herself is...how can she seem so---perfectly fine in the morning. Why do she smile like nothing is wrong? And how does not one single person notice that shes not okay? She don't know what she want in life. She don't know what she want right now. All she know is that shes hurting so much inside that it's eating her, and one day, there won't be any more of her left. Everything that ever cause a tear to trickle down her cheeks, she run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards her. And she don't know what to do. She just know that the pain she felt so long ago, it's hurting ten times more. 

Teardrops slowly fall from her eyes as she look to the sky, and she question how come life keeps passing her right on by. She just wonder why she can't escape, is this her fate? To always be unhappy and how much longer must she wait... 

Words hurt more than anything else can, because they last, sometimes forever. It sucks to be alone, even when there are people all around her. She wanna get lost from her life sometimes, sit on the side and watch the world go by, she wanna get lost and she don't know why. Every morning she get up and put on a fake smile...but what if one morning she didn't? Would anyone notice? Shes not saying she have nothing. Shes not saying shes gone completely. It's just sometimes it's all a bit too much to handle. Sometimes she feel like it's too much. Shes not going to do anything stupid because she know it will get better, it has to right? Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone who would live past their teenage years. But for now, just for now, it hurts. 

She just don't feel like she know herself very well right now, so how can she be sure about anything? Most of the time she feel so awkward, she know, like she don't belong in her own skin, she get frustrated at everything, she could just scream and there's no reason for it, she just hate herself.



Lonely Girl..

In the dark corner

The silent pipes leak

Sits a little girl

She does not speak

A lost and lonely girl

Who sheds a single tear

Thinking she has not purpose in life

And everything to fear

Mom and dad don't really care

She doesn't value life

Never anyone there

To help her with her strife

Tripping over problems

All throughout the day

If only there was someone

To help her on her way

A single friend in life

That really truly cares

But no one is found

At her fragile heart it tears

A sad and lonely life she live

So she sits in the corner and cries

Cuts her arms a little

And wishes she would die

Now her frail body

Lies limp and dead on the floor

A pool of blood beneath her

In her misery no more

So listen to me my dear

I'm trying to make you see

For that girl in the corner

That lonely girl is me